There is a lot of talk in the Twittersphere of "a new way forward" for young western men. Great. Love it. Woman are more than hypergamy and feminine imperative. Awesome, about time.
That said... do NOT reject Red Pill truth for blue pill naive dreams of "love" with women. No, this is not Maximus talking out of both sides of his mouth or being intellectually inconsistent.
Never forget... she IS... a female.
The female is as the female does.
A woman's actions... are the ONLY criteria you judge her interest level in you by. Period.
If your woman - wife, girlfriend or "What's your name kid?" - rejects your sexual advance, fix that shit.
"But, it was just a one time thing."
Fuck no... fix that shit.
"But, she is really stressed out. (work / kids / mother / insert-rational-hamster-wheel-here)"
Fuck no... fix that shit.
"But we need to respect the fact women are not our sexual play toys. Women are human beings and men can't expect to be sexually serviced whenever we want."
Fuck no... fix that shit.
"But it's that time of the month and she really did have a headache."
FUCK NO... FIX THAT SHIT.
If you have made a sexual advance toward a woman you are COMMITTED to and she has:
a) not given you a future date/time and followed through by initiating sex with you
b) pushed you away a second time when you tried to "get some love" again later...
If you ignore this...
You. Have. A. BIG. Problem.
For all you #UpstreamTwitter guys... let me make something 100% clear.
I am no fan of Rollo Tomassi. I have nothing against the guy personally. I just think his strict adherence to a PURE hypergamy / feminine imperative model is not workakable because women are capable of being human beings and rising above their natures, as are we men, all of which I discussed at length last week - Eyes Wide Shut - Has Red Pill & Game philosophy destroyed morality in Millennial Men?
But it seems Rollo may have had a point about #UpstreamTwitter being a little to blue even for my tastes.
If your wife/girlfriend/plate-spin rejects your sexual advance, you must NEVER ignore this. Don't for even one micro-second think "no big deal" by pretending you are the "bigger man" and "above demanding my sexual needs be met" in doing so.
Well... let me count the ways.
#1 - Sexual intimacy, especially in marriage, is the cornerstone of a stable relationship.
For my research, I interviewed a community sample of men (age 30-65) in long-term heterosexual relationships (14 years duration in average) about their experiences of sexual desire. I asked men whether there were times when they felt less desire, or maybe even experienced no sexual desire at all. Almost every man told me that their sexual desire (and sometimes their self-esteem) decreased when their sexual advances were rejected:
“When you’re the guy and you’re always the one to make the moves, and your partner’s always the one saying, 'no, no, no, no,' you start getting very depressed and wonder whether or not something is going on. Whether or not it’s you.” — Jerry, age 42
“If she doesn’t want me, she somehow is not interested in me…It offends me somewhere inside…I know she is not interested in me and she doesn’t like me. She doesn’t want me. It’s like, forget it. I don’t feel it anymore.” — Kyle age 38
Psychology Today ~ How Sexual Rejection Really Impacts Relationships
Sexual rejection offends a man "somewhere inside" and he begins to wonder "whether or not something is going on."
News flash gentleman... only men are puzzled and ponder if their sexual advance being rejected means something deeper is going on with their partner and its wrong. Reject a woman's sexual advances, and SHE KNOWS... IMMEDIATELY... that something is wrong. Why should this same scenario be any different for a man?
If she is not fucking you... don't ignore this. Something is wrong.
There is never... let me repeat that... never... any excuse to postpone or put off your sexual needs as a man. Outside of severe depression (parents have died) or physical infirmity (cancer treatments)... if both of you are sexually healthy AND committed to one another, you not only SHOULD be fucking, you MUST be fucking.
At the risk of sounding like a broken record... sexual intimacy IS the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Whatever that sexual intimacy bar is you have setup to swing with each other on, you need to be swinging and hitting it on a regular basis. If something changes, then there better be a LOT of communication where, once again, you BOTH agree on the changes and are BOTH ok with it.
Did you see it? Two people are involved here, not one. If you are having sex by yourself or not at all, you are no longer a "couple". This is just common sense. Every woman knows this instinctually. Only men wonder "what's going on?"
Try denying your wife sex the next time she initiates and ask her to believe "there is nothing to it honey, you're sexy as hell right now but... I just don't feel like sex tonight."
What was that?
#2 - With a COMMITED partner, sex for a woman is always about your EMOTIONAL connection... to her.
We already know ALL women are capable of being sluts and letting men do ANYTHING to them. 50 Shades of Grey and PornHub opening a pop-up store for Christmas should make this abundantly clear. (You ARE still Red Pill right?)
But let's talk about a woman who has stated - in word & deed - that she is "committed" to you. Every woman knows that when a man SHE is highly committed to STOPS initiating sex with her... THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG. A woman knows this, instinctually, but when the shoe is on the other foot, most men go "Oh, well, I'll try again later I guess."
Did you miss the subtle point I made above? A woman COMMITTED to a man. I did not say she "loved" him or "desired" him. Just that she has made a decision to COMMIT to a man. The state of her emotional investment may be high or low, but it is there and she will freak out if you are not trying to fuck her. Why... because it is not HER emotional state she is worried about, but YOURS... and your continued investment (i.e. emotional) in HER.
Now... what about when a woman IS in "love" (she can fool herself if enough $$$ is in his wallet) or does highly "desire" (again, she can fool herself for enough $$$) a man sexually. Again, as I said above, deny this woman sex and see how fast she is out the door to have a "talk" with her BFF about "what's wrong with him?!?!"
Now... let's give a woman the "new way forward" benefit of the doubt and admit she IS human and CAN love a man for who he is and what she means to him. I.e. She RESPECTS him. If you reject THIS woman sexually or stop initiating... she won't be calling her BFF this time. She will be hiring a private investigator and stalking your every waking minute outside her eyesight to find out who the other woman is.
But no... you go on... keep telling yourself her SEXUAL REJECTION of you was "not her usual response" or "only once or twice a month."
#3 - Sex for men is always about a PHYSICAL need... and she knows this.
Yes, men's emotions are deeply and intimately tied to sex as well, but not like a woman's is. Our need for sex is truly physical. Our balls fill up... we gotta fucking release. This is why women are so fascinated with our outer bit. They get this feeling of "gotta have it" only once a month. Women KNOW... women can SMELL... when a man is full of swimmers. They WANT to be the girl to release them. They WANT to see those sailors flying in whatever hole or body part you choose to deposit them in/on.
Without sex - physical contact and penetration - men do not FEEL that a woman is CONNECTED to them. We know this. Women know this. But your wife rejects your advance and all of a sudden "Oh, she had a headache, I understand."
Men need to feel on top of their game with their wife or committed girlfriend. This is a psychological desire that goes directly to our judgement of how much she wants our GENES. Our baby batter as the ladies (tee hee) like to call it. This need can be a source of ego and confidence in a man, but it should not be the foundation of it, only the expression. Hence, blue pill or red pill, every man wants to feel (physically) he is "that guy" to his female partner. That she is not just receptive, but eager and excited for him to RISK GETTING PREGNANT. Reflect on this deeply.
But... naaaahh. She had a really bad argument with her mother again. She has no desire to unleash that pent up fury and frustation in the most primal outlet possible for tension and stress release that is sex with you. No... she just wants to go to bed. Your above demanding your sexual needs be met when she is this upset. What an incredible husband you are for truly "understanding women."
#4 - If she's not fucking you, she IS one foot OUT of the relationship.
Because the direction of sexual need is generally accepted to always be male for female... a wife/girlfriend rejecting a sexual advance should be a MASSIVE warning sign of... she not wanting you around anymore. Duh.
So I have been married for 2 years, I am 29yrs old.
My wife constantly rejects my advances and gives me extremely absurd reasons all the time. The worst part is she ALWAYS promises sex and when the time comes, she backs out and acts like she never promised.
I'll be honest. I'm a healthy, fit guy and I have girls hitting on me on a regular basis when I go out. Every time she rejects my advances, it is starting to mess with my head. I am a great husband and a great provider, she has everything she needs and wants but she constantly makes me feel unwanted.
I have spoken to her about this issue 100 times and she tells me she loves me and thinks I am sexy but she is just "tired" or "sweaty" or "stomach hurts" or "headache" or its a fucking rainy night and god knows what bullshit lie. I am fed up. Fed up of begging and feeling this way. I am seriously considering an affair.
I love my wife but this issue is really bothering me. The sex sucks (on the RARE occasion that it happens). She wants the same position and same everything and she climaxes within 3 minutes way before me. I am fed up and tired. Fed up of begging and getting rejected and tired of her attitude. She doesn't realize what this is doing to our relationship.
Please give me your honest opinion... I am seriously considering an affair and I might even want a divorce if this continues.
Ok... what is the REAL issue here? Is he being too nice and not assertive? Yup. But she does have sex with him eventually, even though it sucks. WTF right? She is giving all the expected excuses, but he still can't see what is going on. His frustration is two-fold: she is both REJECTING him sexually but ACCEPTING him as a "good man whom she is deeply in love with."
So what happens?
So Last night I was angry. I noticed my neighbours wife outside and she said hello to me. We started talking and she mentioned that George (her husband) was out of town and the kids are at her parents. It so happened that my wife was also at her parents house.
I just had new cabinets installed and she asked me how they turned out, so I told her to come take a look! She accepted and came in. I offered her a glass of wine and we had a great convo whitch quickly turned into flirting and all of a sudden we are both naked and going at it on my couch. She is a 37yr old blonde yoga instructor and what can I say, she looks exactly like pamela Anderson. We had the most insane sex for an hour, foreplay, kissing, more foreplay and she asked me to finally explode inside her mouth....
We hugged once we finished and she quickly went home with the understanding that we could not tell anyone. My wife came home about 30 minutes later and I was in the shower... When I came out she gently asked me whose shoes are those? I was confused. I asked her what shoes? When she showed me, I couldn't believe my eyes...
My neighbour left her shoes at my house and left. We share entrances so it is not unusual to be barefoot. Well, I told her the truth. I told her I just had sex with Jilian and it was great. I told her I want her out of the house within 48hrs.
We have no kids and my house was mine before we got married so she has no right to it. Today i spoke to my lawyer and I filed for divorce. My wife already left the house. Oh and I fucked my neighbours wife again today. Thank you for all your advice Reddit. But this story ends in a very different way than I thought it would.
Now... a lot of you pure Red Pill guys will be thinking...
Fuck yea! Showed his wife whose boss.
Maybe he was not Red Pill before, but I bet he is now. He can pull chicks. He can get laid.
I sure hope he spins plates for a while and gets it (the blue pill beta) out of his system so he is never jerked around like that again.
Ahhh... this is the curse of the pure Rollo Tommassi Red Pill. Sure, we have confirmation of Rollo's thesis of hypergamy and feminine imperative. The yoga-blonde slut next door is stepping out on hubby proving both theories to the letter - fucking another guy behind provider beta-bucks back.
But... did you notice anything in that story? Did you notice what WOMANVERSE this idiot moron is living in and who still has not learned one fucking thing about women?
His wife... realized she screwed up. She married a "good man, a good provider" she had ZERO sexual attraction to and may have considered cheating on him herself (like her neighbour) but... she just fucking hates him. She wants out. Now, of course, SHE is not going to be the bad guy by being the one to divorce him. She does not want that "look" from her friends, her family, her co-workers, especially if THEY think he IS as "good/smart catch" for her. Looking to her future, what about the next guy she walks down the aisle with? Would it not be SMARTER for her to get her HUSBAND to initiate the divorce so she can tell #2... "I married the wrong man, but I did not cheat on him and tried to work it out. You can trust me... honest to God you can."
Remember, a large part of the female psyche is to always be the one coming out of a relationship breakup smelling smelling like a rose. Never forget this.
So what's a girl to do? She fucking hates her husband. Hates him so much she won't even CHEAT on him. She just wants fucking out, but she can't be the one to initiate divorce. Hmmmmm... hmmmmmm... if only there was SOME way to...
She talks to the yoga-blonde next door and hatches up a plan to get her husband to deep-six himself by balls-deep fucking the Pamela Anderson wanna-be.
This is why hot girls have ZERO respect for most men. They are so fucking easy to manipulate.
Remember... girls are always a team. There is NEVER a relationship problem with a man she has NOT shared with another female.
It is thus HIGHLY probable wifey and the neighbour were on the same level. Remember, women who USE men don't give a shit about morals or boundaries. So... wifey got to talking with her friendly neighbour yoga-blonde one day in one hell of a bitch session about their loser husbands (both men are loathed). Yoga-blonde would divorce too, but the money is too good and he is "livable" with, "for now."
Awfully convenient wife was away and yoga-blonde was ALSO alone and available to "come over and check out the new cabinets."
Even more convenient when yoga-blonde "left" her shoes "by accident."
Fucking surreal that when wifey came home (literally 30 min after he cheated on her), she went STRAIGHT to the shower (he had just finished fucking yoga-blonde) and asked her idiot "husband" about the shoes at the door.
No... no... no you tell me. That's just CRAZY talk. There is NO WAY she would have played on her sexless husbands EGO and his need to GET LAID to make him THE BAD GUY for the divorce proceedings. And she left... just like that... without even one scream. No, he just got caught and the situation finally forced him to do what he already knew was coming... divorce her ass.
And yoga-blonde... gets to have her need for sex (most likely simply vindictive in nature, against her husband) by using the dick just tossed into the trash can by the wife next door. Ehhh... he's good enough for now. She will seek out better dick later once she tires of him.
This is what happens when you mix blue pill with red - you get no wisdom.
A Man, capital M, would never be in this position, but that is for another article.
What is important to note in this husbands's story and my analysis is this. If she is not fucking you... YOU have a problem... a potentially very serious one. And you need to fix it. If you don't... I hope you have a good lawyer.
#5 - Sex for women is both EXPRESSION and UTILITY
Women have a dual mating strategy - good genes and good provision.
This is why having some sexual experience is important for a man. It gets his head out of his pants and in the Game SHE is playing on you. Once a man has had sex, unless he is simply a child, he wakes up and begins to see HOW woman use sex to manipulate men. The hotter the girl, the more likely it is she is trying to manipulate you (but is not an iron clad rule). This really is the only line that divides red from blue pill men. The former wakes up from the dream, the latter thinks he has entered it.
A woman has sex with a man for only THREE reasons:
ONE - to get her rocks off. The female IS the more sexual creature. The male is just a dildo in the majority of these cases which is why some men with Game are confused about why she is fucking him but not committing to him. Men who spin plates, whether they are concerned about locking down one of them or not, just don't get that their undisciplined and, most importantly - indiscriminate selection of sexual partners - has nothing to do with how good his "Game" is. YOU ARE BEING USED... BY THE GODDESS... FOR HER PLEASURE. Is it not a cardinal rule of Game that upon first interacting with a target, you MUST kill all provider/relationship vibes and put out... drum roll please... sexual adventure guy!!! If she SEES you as her next DILDO... you get laid!!! Wow... your "skills" are "amazing."
TWO - To get something from a man. Free drinks. Free hotel and room service. Shopping money. Pay her rent. Pay her education. Do I need to go on. Women KNOW what is between their legs, but even Red Pill men seem to still ignore this and think that since their "Game" is working and "getting me some sex", they have the upper hand. IF SHE IS NOT COMMITTING TO YOU... SHE IS USING YOU. Worse, the more you LET yourself be her on-call-dick, the more you are contributing to the decline of western civilization.
THREE - She RESPECTS you. She actually likes you. Yes, she still has her provider requirement. Yes, she still has her sexual attraction requirement. This is a female that has CHOSEN to find a man she does want sexually, can respect for MORE than his wallet, and has ACCEPTED that this is the BEST man she could ever possibly hope to find. Why? Because she simply enjoys being with him. There is just... something about him she likes... nay loves. This is the new way forward, but note it is only ONE of THREE possible reasons she will want to fuck your brains out.
Which is why if your wife/long-term girlfriend/cohabit partner stops putting out, YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER than to accept her excuses. If you are Red Pilled, you KNOW women love the D. So why does she not want yours anymore?
She is NOT using you as her rock-star dildo to express herself SEXUALLY.
She is NOT using you to secure provision/mate guarding by fucking you to keep you EMOTIONALLY INVESTED in her.
She is NOT fucking you out of... PURE RESPECT either. She knows you have physical needs, she used to meet them enthusiastically, but now... "not tonight."
If she is NOT fucking you for expression, utility or out of respect for you... what the fuck are you there for?
If you are married... you are her slave. Period. But for a man to admit THAT to himself would implode his ego and any naive fantasy that his wife "loves" him. No... can't go there. "I'm not listening... blah, blah, blah... you just don't get women man. You are not married."
#6 - If she is not using you for sex, and not afraid to lose your provision by denying you sex, what does that say about the "status" of your marriage/relationship?
Need I say more?
You never had any. She does not respect you... period.
Yet a man's ego shell will not accept this. She "committed to me." She did "enjoy sex with me in the past." She "always says she finds me attractive and still does." She hints at "having really good sex later, but always finds a way to put it off." She always SAYS SHE LOVES ME... but still says not to sex. She is... a good mother, a good wife, a good parter but...
A woman denying a man sex is the... ONLY... shit test you need to pass.
This is why, even though I disagree with initiating sex too early, especially with a woman you are serious about getting a commitment from, it is better that you are fucking her than not. At least you can gauge how much she is into you before going any further.
But if she pulls that "no sex for a week" even once, let alone TEASES you with sexy outfits the whole time know... KNOW... she has ZERO respect for you.
If you would not put up with this BEFORE marrying a woman... WHY would you put up with it AFTER?
Are you still not getting it?
Have I still not made it PLAINLY CLEAR what your wife or girlfriend denying you sex is total and complete bullshit?
Ok... here is the final mic drop.
#7 - With condoms, the pill, and no possible risk of STDs in a committed marriage/relationship... there is ZERO REASON to deny you sex.
None. Zero. Nada. Zip.
You are your husband’s only proper sexual outlet.
And you are hers. Again... WHY... is she not availing herself of your big, loving D?
“It wasn’t always this way. In fact, it was the other way around. He would reach out and touch me when we both laid down for bed and so often I would cut him off right there. I was either too tired, too stressed, wasn’t in ‘the mood,’ or some other reason.”
Ah yes, back to the cliche’s. She’s too tired, has a headache, etc. But pay close attention to the next part.
“Two things about him rejecting me have broken my heart in the last two years. The way it makes me feel, of course, but also that I realize that he was telling the truth when he described how it made him feel years ago. He would say that it made him feel ugly, unwanted, and unloved. He described other things he felt such as being embarrassed and feeling that I wasn’t attracted to him. I remember rolling my eyes, thinking that the only thing that really bothered him about me rejecting him was that he wasn’t going to get the sexual release he wanted. I was wrong.”
“I couldn’t blame him if it was revenge. Sometimes I get out of the shower, and take my time putting the towel around me while he’s brushing his teeth or shaving but he barely even glances my direction. I recognized the look on my face in the mirror as the same one on his ten years ago. And I absolutely do feel ugly, unwanted, and unloved. I feel like my body is unworthy of his attention. He must have felt the same way ten years ago when he watched me show more interest in my makeup than my unclothed husband walking out of the shower.”
“But he’s nicer about it than I was. Maybe because he knows how it feels. He hasn’t mocked me for feeling rejected. Or accused me of ‘only wanting one thing.’ In fact, he has apologized for saying ‘no.’ He has reacted sometimes by hugging me, but a kind rejection is still a rejection. It’s humiliating to beg, but I’m to the point I’m willing to try anything. I even blame myself. Maybe if I hadn’t made sex so difficult for him to get over the years, he wouldn’t have reached the point to where he didn’t bother to try and, then, to where he stifled the desire and pushed it away so that he wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of being rejected repeatedly by the person who was supposed to be rejecting all others for him.
And there you have it.
How many times do I have to say it?
Sex is FAR MORE IMPORTANT to the female than the male.
Especially if she is emotionally invested in her man.
Notice as well she KNOWS every man needs RELEASE of built up sexual tension (semen) and... she still chose to deny him when they were both in their sexual prime. They all know... ALL OF THEM... how important sex is to men.
If your wife or girlfriend is not fucking you... she does not respect you. Period. Full stop.
Despite the part where she admits her "mistake" - thinking her husband just wanted his PHYSICAL needs met - when she was rolling her eyes rejecting him, she still does not get it and neither does the author.
Her husband now turning the tables PROVES... sex is not a primarily emotional need for men. Emotional intimacy can be had outside the bedroom (he now express his love with hugs... how romantic and sweet). Yet, sex is most important INSIDE the bedroom BECAUSE it is a physical ACTION that PROVES you want to DEMONSTRATE your emotional DESIRE for your partner. And it works both ways.
This husband handled his sexual rejection better than the first story above, but he has still failed to get what we wanted... a full sex life with his partner, his wife. While the other 'alpha'ed' his way into the hot yoga-blonde across the street (and screwed over another man while doing it... real upstanding guy)... this guy has gone the MGTOW extreme of the moral high ground by denying himself AND his wife the sexual intimacy they both deserve. He clearly still loves her, but her decade or more of sexual rejection has KILLED all desire for her other than friendship and partnership. Which, if you have found a good person to live out your life to the end of your days, is far more important than sex, especially to men. This is proven by the fact he has not cheated on her and does not plan to. He is simply "past" having or needing sex with his wife (most likely mid-forties pushing 50) and it is BECAUSE she always rejected him in her prime (30s most likely).
It does not matter what path you choose if your wife/girlfriend/plate denies you sex.
If you are being denied your RIGHT as a MAN to have your sexual needs met... it is YOUR problem and you NEED to fix it.
Do. Not. Ignore.
If THIS is your life...
Remember... YOU... are the leader. YOU... are where you are because of you, not her. She is just a woman, doing what all women do - be a woman.
Strength & Honor