I don't write for "the sphere." I am not Red Pill, Game, MGTOW or any other alphabet acronym you want to try boxing this author into. I write to lead men back to Man, capital M, and there is no better way to put that capital M back in our name than by growing a pair.
There was a time when interacting with woman was given no greater thought than "She's beautiful. I am going to talk to her." How a man went about this was completely inconsequential. He saw, he approached, he said hello. Now, with Red Pill and Game completely dominating the minds of men of all ages, we have complicated the whole affair like a woman does; with strategy and subterfuge, as if we are the sex who needs to manipulate to get what we want. As if men are the ones who have no power in the mating game when the truth is we have it all.
I began to read up on dating advice and success with women around 2000, when the only real community for men in this regard before Red Pill, before alpha fucks beta bucks, was sosuave.com. Founded in 1998, it's still around and while I don't know how popular a destination it is anymore for dating advice, the forums back then were very different from today. Back then, men of my generation(X) were looking to get a date and a girlfriend. Things have changed a lot since then in terms of goals for men with women, to say the least.
The biggest change was the transition from confidence and connection, to greek letters and getting laid.
Michael Sebastian is one of the few men (along with Quintus Curtius) who I feel are truly trying to move the needle of masculinity back toward honor and virtue. They are both well read and published on Roosh's Return Of Kings. All three men have my respect.
That being said, I also have my own perspective and the above comment by Sebastian was indicative of the niche that I am trying to build and may be the sole author of - a return to Man, capital M, and not alphabet Greek letters.
This above comment and my reply was focused on this Tweet.
In a century where we have more men in The West with vagina's between their legs than balls, ANY man that approaches a beautiful woman, in full view of public scrutiny, is someting to be applauded.
I believe Sebastian would whole heartedly agree with me on this point. It's the approach strategy chosen (note with $$ spent) that in his mind is "beta" that the young man needs to learn to correct for future success with women. If you take that answer as a given, this automatically leads into the now de rigueur Red Pill question of "What would an alpha have done?"
Where is the capital M in any of these Greek (and dare I say it, feminine) judgements and box classifications of Man?
Note, I am not dismissing there are men at the top, middle and bottom of any social hierarchy. What I am questioning is if these definitions actually define who and what a man is.
Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of timing. For as I was about to put fingers to keyboard, another popular personality in the Twitter sphere gave me the perfect context to frame my argument for just what a Man, capital M, is.
AJC is one of the best fitness coaches you can find. Smart. Clearly experienced. Definite example of success a man can find online by mastering branding and marketing in a specific, value-added niche. That said, I did have an odd encounter with him last year. Odd I say, because of the insane level of personalization/projection that social media sparks within us (and I am not immune). Odd again also because of the frame of mind, the mindset, I come from. I truly have nothing to prove to any man. I am who I am, take it or leave it. AJC is the same I believe, but still, there is a different tone to his online persona from mine.
And it is not just him, I am not singling him out or condemning him in any way. Many other personalities of the masculine sphere who have fully swallowed Red Pill and Game sound much the same. I truly do feel like Socrates most days in that I look around for Man, capital M, expect to find it in this guy or that guy, but then realize nope, he doesn't know either. This existential searching for Man my whole life is in keeping with the Socratic belief that I am looking for Man because I myself do not know what a Man is.
The above advice to men by AJC is not so much wisdom, but the desire to be seen as an alpha. The "guy who gets it" (i.e. women) and to thus put anyone who does not follow his advice (don't hit on women in gyms) as being beta. Also note the well nigh impossible (and thus female) standard for a man to even begin to contemplate breaking this gym rule - he must be an Adonis.
This belief that unless you are a Greek God - a woman's ideal of beauty and desire - to even think about approaching a woman is entirely feminine and the polar opposite of masculinity and patriarchy.
I understand where AJC is coming from. Most girls are at the gym to workout, not be hit on. They SAY they don't want to be "bothered" by men, but one look at what they wear proves this to be a complete lie. They WANT to be "bothered"... by the right guy of course. Hence the "if you are not an Adonis" or some version of Mr. Big, don't even think about talking to any girl there if you are a man-child who can't string together two words in front of a girl without drooling.
Seriously? Really? Unless I am a man who is a) ripped b) tall and c) a cool, smooth lady killer, I can forget about even just saying hello to a cutie at the gym?
What I am seeing more and more with the adoption of the Red Pill as life philosophy is this idea that the entirety of male identity can be jailed into only two possible boxes - alpha or beta - and that's it. It is the complete degeneration of what a Man is, a spiritual being with a divine role of upholding honor, striving for virtue and being responsible for one's life and eventually those of others. It is the complete castration of a man. I.e. If you're not 'alpha', don't approach women.
You think this only applies to gym etiquette with the opposite sex?
Does a girl sipping a latte and reading a book at Starbucks want to be 'bothered' by a man talking to her?
Does a cutie on the bus with headphones on want to be 'bothered' by a man talking to her?
Does a hottie at the supermarket busily shopping for the week's groceries want to be 'bothered' by a man talking to her?
See? It's crazy. This... is where the #MeToo movement is going; the complete shutting down of male mating by initiating an approach. In the 21st century, western culture is slowly becoming a world where only women will be allowed to approach and court a man. "Don't hit on girls at the gym" is the exact same thing. It all has to stop.
My reaction to the young man's approach of that beautiful girl was not to focus on the failure. I saw what was most important about what changed my life and attitude toward women as I approached my mid twenties. My first cold approach was at 24. I was a complete virgin in terms of any experience with women (comics and computers tend to have that effect). I wrote about all the chances for sex I most likely missed being completely naive in my twenties. What was important about that post was to blow away the idea that you have to have Game, be alpha, have the right Red Pill orthodox approach and mindset to be successful with even just interacting with women. So many men now believe that if they don't have that mystery X quality of 'alpha-ness', you can forget being good with women.
I say this is bullshit.
All you need to be a success with women, with life, is balls.
What "success" means will be different to each man. Getting laid was not "success" for me. Success was finding a woman that liked me for who I was and wanted to be with me. Is that beta? Can you see the Matrix before your eyes you who thought you were unplugged from it?
My first cold approach was on a woman I had had my eye on for a long time and... I DID IT AT THE GYM.
She was tall, blonde, tight ass with stunning thigh gap before I ever know thigh gap was a thing hot girls have. That photo is actually pretty accurate, just imagine taller and a little more muscular. She was always on either the stairs or the treadmill. In my mind, she was an Amazonian goddess. Never in a million years would I think I would have a chance with this girl.
But as I learned just a little bit about girls on those Sosuave.com forums where dating was the goal, I began to realize there was only one thing holding me back from approaching women I was attracted to.
Grow a pair.
Just fucking have the balls to approach and talk to her.
Do you think girls being "bothered" by guys at the gym was that much different back then from today? Did I know girls working out don't want to be bothered?
Never even entered my mind.
I was simply going to walk up to her and ask a) her name and b) why she jumped between stair master and tread mill.
Ask a question. Get her name. That's it.
Alpha frame? Game tailored approach? Walk, talk, blah blah blah... fuck it. I had no clue. I had no plan to follow up.
All I wanted to do... was confront my fear of talking to a beautiful girl.
Seriously. That was it.
With no real Game what-so-ever, I realized I could not just walk up cold cold out of the blue. I would try to make it a) natural and b) just a passing thing, of no consequence.
In truth, that's because that is what it was. I had no plan to even begin to ask this girl out. I just wanted to approach and say hello and see what happens.
So that's what I did.
I happened to be on my way out of the gym. There she was, glistening with sweat, just the way I like my women.
I walked right up to her - from behind no less, a complete Game no-no - and...
MAXIMUS: Hi. Excuse me. I notice you jump between the treadmill and stair master a lot. Why do you do that?
[She, somewhat surprised, but not aghast, realizing I was... AND THIS IS KEY... genuinely just asking her a question about fitness]
BABE: Oh... well... I like to switch it up. It's gets boring doing the same thing.
MAXIMUS: Oh, that's all. What's your name?
BABE: Lana (not at all her name, one of my curses with women I talk to, I can never remember!)
MAXIMUS: My name is Maximus. Nice to meet you. Thanks for answering my question. Have a good day.
I walked to my car and I felt this HUGE rush of adrenaline and... pride, accomplishment.
I did it.
I talked to her.
I did not die.
She had to be the hottest girl in the whole gym. I never saw any guy talk to her except for the few douche bag gym "bros" she appeared to be friends with.
Afterward... I wondered what I was afraid of. To be honest, I was still afraid to ask her out, but the fear that it was impossible for me to ask her out now seemed irrational. And again, to be completely honest, that was ALL I was prepared to do with this girl. Just get her name. I had no plan to actually try and ask her out or run Game on her as they call it now. None, whatsoever.
But that's not the real story.
The real story of my first approach is what happened AFTER that fatefull day.
In having absolutely no agenda to Game this girl, she wound up trying to Game me.
All I have ever promised readers is to tell my story. My experience in learning to become more confident with myself and my masculinity as a man. You might be wondering why use the Joey "Hey, how you doin'?" now classic stereotype of a Man, or at least when they were still considered to exist back in the 1990s. What does this have to do with my argument that all a man needs is balls with women?
Joey's pick line... is not a line. It's Joey being a dude. Period.
He sees a girl. He finds her sexually attractive according to his standard... and he makes his move.
It's not WHAT Joey says that makes this line classic. It's HOW he says it. It's what he believes about himself. And that belief... is not 'alpha', simply Man, capital M.
No shame. No guilt. No fear.
I'm a Man. You're a woman. Maybe we should get together sometime.
In short... no hidden agenda. No subterfuge of working female evo psyche. No worry about frame or how to establish an alpha persona. Joey... just... is.
Which is all I did that day in finally screwing up the courage to talk to a beauty of a girl.
I walked up. I said hello. Made small talk, and left it at that.
Granted... she would in no way have assumed I was interested. I did not pull a Joey line on her and neither was it communicated in my tone of voice or body language.
What I did communicate... was that I was a man with balls.
Not many guys would approach a hot girl sweating like a pig on a stair master at the gym and attempt to engage her in any kind of conversation. That's all Joey is doing when he spits that famous line on a girl. That is all a Man needs to do. Just have the balls to approach and make a move.
What was the result of my approach?
Well, I got what I wanted, her name and the loss of fear in approaching a girl to talk to her.
In the subsequent weeks as I returned to the gym, I was now free to just give a nod and smile her way, or a hello if we were close enough and would be a clear snub to not do so... now... that she knows me and I know her. Think about how powerfull that is and one the fellow with the failed approach above now has in his back pocket whenever he might cross paths with this girl.
The first thing I noticed the next time we were both at the gym... was her and her friend chatting at the water cooler watching me. Now... remember... at this point I am a complete virgin. I have ZERO experience with women (again, comics and computers tend to do that to a guy). Mating instinct is a powerful radar. They could have just been chatting... but you know the body language of girls who are talking about a guy in the room. You've seen it. I've seen it. And while I had never really seen it at that point in my life, I knew intuitively that something was going on. I even doubted it and said "Are they talking about me? Why would they be talking about/looking at me?" That's how clueless I was.
The reason for girl-talk of course was:
- strange male
- cold approach
- did not hit on her
- did not "bug" her by sticking around
- did not hint in any way I gave two shits about her
Mystery!!!! From a guy with ZERO game and NO CLUE about women. The only thing I had going for me was a) be genuine and sincere and b) be polite and friendly.
We would get the chance to chat once in awhile at the ab station. I got her laughing. She reciprocated engagement, but being naive and still low confidence, I thought nothing was going on. Most importantly... I did notice she was older than me. Maybe by 5 years pushing the big 3-oh. At that point I think I had decided I did not want to date/marry on older woman (this is how a patriarch thinks, he's not concerned in the least about getting laid, but leaving a legacy)
This back-and-forth continued over the next few weeks and months. I was able to overhear her talking about a local club she frequented, which I then started to frequent myself about a year or so later but never ran into her. She still chummed with the douche bag gym bros and you could tell... they were firmly in the friends zone. In short, she was your typical, university educated, well paid corp cubicle wage slave, riding the high life of feminine charms and beauty without ever seriously thinking about how to find and date a man she wants to marry and have children with.
Then one workout... it happened. She tried to Game me, and in doing so I realized later in life she was completely out of her element and had no clue how to go about getting a guys attention.
I was working shoulders I believe. I had a few weights I was working with and SHE walked up to me to start chatting. She had never done this before. It was notable to me because she had to go out of her way to find and engage me. I had no clue she was there so she must have been on the other side of the gym. This was not a "oh, hey you" passing by and stop to chat. She... found... me. It was clear she was going out of HER way to be NEAR me. Asking questions while I was working out, and if you will believe this, I found it a little annoying on account... I was working out, not at the gym to chat!!!
At one point (I can literally time travel back, the scene is that clear, ah the life of a bachelor in his 40s reminiscing) she was just standing there, nothing to really say, and all she could stutter out at one point was "Do you need these?", asking if the dumbells she was holding are what I wanted to work with next.
The conversation is literally a movie in my head right now.
"Uhhh... I guess so".
"Where would you like them?"
"Umm... there is fine." [I point to the work bench and she puts them down, then stands around not quite sure what to do/say next.]
I remember thinking... what is she doing? Why is she hanging around while I am trying to work out? 100% honesty, I was getting a little annoyed as I just wanted to work out. In hind sight... it is clear now I was supposed to get a clue and ask her out. There is no other explanation and this is why girls complain guys are so clueless... we are!
The important point I am making though is this.
I went from thinking I would die talking to a beautiful woman... to being annoyed at her buzzing around me while I was trying to work out at the gym.
That... was the beginning of my entering the stage of coming of age. Over the next decade, I went on to have a lot more interesting adventures with the ladies, all the while, always looking for one to be my marriage partner, the future mother of my children and my friend in life. I never found her. I was rejected by all and nearly all are still single today themselves. It is a sad testimony to our times as western, European peoples when our culture, both feminism and Red Pill, have so completely screwed up what should be a most natural process, has now become a war with each side hating and mistrusting the other. Not all of course, but far too many.
Now the big question that illuminates the theme of this post.
What would I have tried today, in the 21st century, if I was a young guy in his early 20s looking to get better and more confident with girls?
If I were to take the advice of AJC, I would not have approached this girl. I would look in the mirror and tell myself I am not even close to the Adonis beef cake douche bag she regularly talks to in the gym. With all the Game advice now out there on alpha mindset, etc... would I EVER get to a place where I felt I was "ready" to approach any girl, gym or no gym?
All I told myself about this girl, a girl I had repeatedly watched working out on that stair master along the carpet walkway to the change rooms past reception right at the entrance (like a movie, I can still see her)...
Maximus? Grow a pair. She's just a girl. Walk up. Say hello. Ask a question. Get her name. You won't die.
This... is all a Man will ever need to succeed with women and with life.
While I can still acknowledge there are methods and understanding about how women respond that increase a man's chances of success (i.e. Game)... it still all boils down to having balls. Having the balls to go for what you want in life, win or lose.
If she likes you (yes, genuinely), all a man needs to do is have the balls to approach.
If she is playing a Game, then I guess you might have to play to... if you choose to pursue that kind of woman.
But if you have the balls to say hello, and she genuinely is looking for a good guy who has a pair between his legs, what more in terms of "Game" does a man need with women?
Grow a pair.
Live your life.
Strength & Honor