It's been a month. A month since my last post to this blog. I suspect many are betting there won't be a post today and quite frankly, I would have taken that bet myself. I tried for the past four weeks to come up with a couple post ideas. I had a few good ones but... I just never sat down to write.
Writer's block is one thing. You want to write, but can't.
But when you lose the desire to write even a single word despite flowing with topic ideas... how do you overcome that?
Not one week. Not two weeks. But four, and close to a full 30 days, a whole month, with absolutely no desire to write at all. Even writing this is... forced. Thank God for Thanksgiving day off in Canada or else you might very well be staring at another "See you next week." update shit post.
The only reason you are reading even this is for some reason, I was forced to write. Number one, I owe it to my readers to explain what is going on and two, I finally had a topic idea that came into my head I had to get out.
What was that idea for a topic to write on and share with however remaining readers I have left?
Straight up truth. Unvarnished. No bullshit. Blunt honesty.
I got this post written.
I don't know if there will be one next week.
It's that simple.
This one is going to be a bit random on account I am just spitting out whatever is in my brain at the moment.
How did I get here? Let's start with the biggest event of the past 30 days that has seriously impacted my thinking on the future of my writing.
Is Maximus a writer?
I've written more than a few words over the past year and a half. Roosh has written a lot more and published many books. Roosh has just lost his entire (primary) source of income for "wrong think."
The censorship is intensifying. I’m not the only one who noticed the banning of Alex Jones on just about every tech platform in existence. I thought our tech overlords would first censor political figures on the right in preparation for the American midterm election this November, but it’s clear that even if your work doesn’t contain anything remotely political, like my dating books, they will still go after you.
Amazon and other tech companies have no moral qualms about hurting people’s lives under the guise of eliminating “hate speech” or “offensive” content without objectively defining what those terms actually mean. The drive to censor anyone with an opinion not sanctioned by a global corporation will only get worse, but as long as I have a mouth, I will continue to speak.
Roosh Valizadeh - Amazon Has Banned 9 Of My Books Without Explanation (UPDATE)
Alex Jones. Roosh. I know there are others. We all know there will be more to come.
You don't think Amazon has AI on the ready to analyze every single word in a submitted book for sale that will simply not get published and the author getting a pro-forma email rejection letter without a single human being even reviewing the content of said book? George Orwell on steroids. That's what's coming my friends.
Both Alex Jones and Roosh were somebody's. It's why they were targeted. It's why their banning won't go unnoticed.
I'm a nobody. They can ban nobodies with impunity. It's that simple. I don't know if I will ever finish my book, but that may not be my biggest problem. Even if I finish it, I will have no ability to sell it, period. "Wrong think" is here and Roosh's book ban is proof of it.
Of course, banning someone like Roosh will be as specatular in blow back as trying to protest Kavanagh's confirmation this past weekend. Trump teed up a target the Dems/libs could not resist trying to trash and thus exposed them for the satanic demons they truly are. Trump got his red wave and he will ride it like a pro surfer for the next month at every single rally he speaks at right up to Nov 6th and the absolute slam dunk, full red ticket win across every vote being cast. (I've read some comments that many are not even looking at names after Kavanaugh. They are just marking red for Republican across the board.) Roosh will simply go on a book selling tour and force him to take the message to the street and be even more public and gain even more support. He will certainly have the time now that he is being forced to put Return Of Kings on hiatus (now bringing in a mere 1/5th of income at it's height).
But will he even be let into the USA?
Will Roosh need armed security and intelligence protection (much like Trump) for this tour? For the rest of his life if he keeps trying to sell books and his dangerous thoughts?
Nothing is crazy or "way out there nuts" to me anymore post-Kavanaugh.
Speaking of which.
Kavanaugh - A SCOTUS confirmation that will live in infamy.
Many conservative deplorables, including myself, thought Trump's win was a) divine intervention and b) a tipping point in the culture war for the heart & soul of The West.
It was the first, but not the second.
Kavanaugh, without any doubt in my mind, is the tipping point of either complete collapse or phoenix like rebirth of The West. There is a reason why Judges comes before Kings in the Old Testament. Kings come and go, but the judge of justice is always on guard and must always be ready to defend justice no matter who is king.
The suppression and outright denial of conservative free speech is one thing. What the circus of the Kavanaugh confirmation exposed to the whole world was the fate of anyone who dares to speak out against the globalist narrative of female empowerment (feminism) and demonization of men (patriarchy) and who stands up for conservative (i.e. heterosexual/patriarchal) values and adherence to the fundamental core of Western civilization and law - the presumption of innocence.
If there was still any doubt to my readers as to why I write anonymously, Kavanaugh has proved just how dangerous it is to be a public conservative voice for patriarchal values in The West today.
So this is something else I have to consider and is precisely what Lindsey Graham warned in his blistering speech defending Kavanaugh. This will make good people turn away from stepping up to save The West.
I am no Trump. I am not Kavanaugh. I am not even close to Roosh.
I do have a family, friends, a job, a life.
Leftist mental patients will destroy that life if I ever (or are forced to) go public.
This is not a joke.
They want us dead. And they will kill us. Not all of them. Most of them are all bark no bite larping revolutionaries, but there will be the few for-real mental patients that have the balls to "do something" to "save" America from Orange Hitler and his army of deplorable white heterosexual male (and female) Nazis.
I still don't believe a civil war in America is inevitable. Nothing is inevitable in human affairs. That said... what Kavanaugh has proven to me, and the world, is that the statistical chance of civil war in America breaking out is now so highly probable, one would not be wrong to contemplate it may very well be inevitable.
With every win for Trump and the right, the left is increasingly concluding there is only one way to end this political war. After Kavanaugh, the right is also in the very same pew concluding the very same thing.
I just watched this movie again for the first time in over 20 years. This scene was an absolute clarion call, a DEFCON 5 awakening to just where The West is today in its struggle to survive a full blown Marxist/Communist take over.
And it's not just our government. Culture (movies, TV, books). Economics. Education (primary and secondary). Every level of western society has been infiltrated by leftist Marxist/Communists of this new feminist/lgbt/POC variety of insanity.
Do you truly understand yet how big the swamp is? What it is going to take to drain it?
The left will NOT stop. They don't know peace, or civility, or when "too far" is too far. You ask for proof? One word, one man - Kavanaugh.
This is where The West is gentleman. Civil war is not inevitable, but it is the path the left is walking and there may be no way to step out of the way or come to dialogue and compromise.
Which brings me too...
My car, freedom, and a return to the hardwood of a karate dojo.
I moved my posts to Monday's because I was already not wanting to write during the week after work. With a weekend, I could still force myself to sit down and crank out a post.
My Saturday is now blown driving to the city for karate training. I could sit down to write when I get back in the late afternoon, or on Sunday but... you know the result.
I started a business that failed. I tried to get it going again and failed. I started that business for one reason only - so I could set my own hours and thus be able to train as much as I wanted. Karate, martial arts, are the reason why I wanted to start a business. All I wanted to do was train and have the freedom of owning my time that a business can give to a man to do so.
I did not know how much I missed training until I started up again and at the end of the day, time is all we have on this earth.
Of all losses, time is the most irrecuperable, for it can never be redeemed.
Time... is why Roosh put ROK on hiatus. A man can only split himself so much, or commit himself as deeply, as he believes he has time to do so.
I am only writing one post a week, not running a global outreach blog for men with hundreds of thousands of vists per day.
Yet even that one post takes time. Time... I am asking myself if I truly want to let pass me by sitting at a computer writing words.
When you reach your 40s, time begins to weigh on a Man's mind more and more. There is simply no longer any more time left to truly plan a future. Fate, personal choices, divine providence assigns to each man that which he is to be and to have, to love and to lose.
I no longer wish to lose any more time not training in karate and want to devout myself to martial arts once more. This became crystal clear to me as each bead of sweat ran down my forehead into a sopping wet heavy weight gi. I don't know what that realization means for this blog or my future as a writer, but I can no longer deny the reality that something has changed within me with respect to why I sit down to write... or not.
I am in many ways a most unlikely mentor for men, young or old. I have been taken with great surprise and a warm heart some of the emails readers have sent to me saying how my words have helped them find a path in the darkness that is Man's current state of blind struggle in the world. I have enjoyed writing those words. I am glad so many more than I ever thought possible have also enjoyed reading them.
But if those men knew the real state and circumstance of my life... I suspect they might question why they are following me, and I would not blame them.
I'm... a humble labourer.
Last week, I was putting up snow fence... in the slush (what Canadians call snow mixed with rain). It was cold, but not freezing. It was wet, but not soaking wet. I stood in the earth of a farmer's field and I pounded a post into it. Earth I will one day return to as I begin my return journey to my Maker. One. Two. Three. All the while, I'm hustling to get the job done while the other three "men" try to dog-fuck the day away and compete to see whose male vagina (their mouth) can complain the most about how this job is "bullshit," the boss is "an asshole" and they "don't deserve" this kind of life.
I ignored them completely and just kept pounding posts. In doing so, I realized that this - honest physical labour and the lack of it - is why western men are now either effeminate cucks or hedonist pussy chasers. There is nothing left in this world for men to put their back into to make them honest and learn the lessons life, and God, can only teach when you suck it up and just get the job done.
What was my mission that day?
Get the snow fence up.
Not for the boss. For me. To feel like I accomplished something that day. To clock out, to go home and strike off another day on the calendar toward my last day of layoff for a fourth season in this very humble and humbling job that allows me to save a little money.
You know what else I thought that day? How happy I was. I am poor. I am wet. I am going nowhere and will likely be a nobody and I am perfectly ok with that because... it was not that cold, I was dressed for the weather. I kept warm because I put my back into the work instead of standing around geting wet and complaining. Life could also be a lot worse. I am saving money and have many more options now than I had four years ago when I moved home and had nothing (and still live at home). With a car purchase out of the way (in a rural community, I put it off long enough), all the money I make can now go to travel, to going back to school or... well, to just about anything I want. All I have to do is work and earn it.
Most importantly that day as I watched the three other men reacting to the circumstances of their life, ranging from 20 to mid-forties, was how important it is for a Man to simply do his duty... to himself first and foremost. Honest labour, for honest pay. There is no cheating life and if you hold to your own honor, there is nothing another Man (or woman) can take away from you to lower your respect for yourself. I may be poor with few prospects for retirement, but I will never be one of them - a complainer at my lot in life or a blamer of others for how shitty it is.
Which is to say, I don't think I have a shitty life. I work only 5 months of the year (the best months, in the summer) and have no debt to worry about when unemployed. I save up my money and collect a small unemployment income during the winter months. I am not alone, a lot of people in the country live like this. It is the only way we can survive and stay out of the city that has become a liberal feminist, faggot and foreigner foreign country. I am paying as little in taxes as possible to this militant feminist government and I even get some back every spring on overpaid taxes before I go back to work once again. Despite my clear low status and complete failure in the eyes of many men (and especially women), I don't feel as a Man I am beneath anyone else who has succeeded at life. Nor do I feel I am above them in some faux virtue signal snobbery of pious poverty and humility. I'd like more money, more success in life. I just realize now it will never make me happy, as I have perhaps always known and is the very reason why I am both happy and poor.
I am... what I am as Popeye used to say and he was wise.
If a man has honor and virtue, or is striving for both knowing he is as flawed as the next Man... how much richer can a Man truly desire to be?
Still want to follow me? To read my words?
That was not the only thing I contemplated in the wet and mud last week. I began to truly come to terms with the fact I may no longer have a reason to write this blog. I began to ask a fundamental question.
What is my mission for this blog?
This is the source of failure in any writer's will to write.
I feel like I have said my piece. I can see now that while some men get me, there are so many that don't that it my be sheer folly to think I can convince a large mass of western men to return to virtue, to honor, to truth and justice. Pussy. Money. Fleeting status and ego worship on social media. I crave none of these things yet it is all most men seem to care about now in The West.
So I ask myself... "What is your mission Maximus?"
Have I said what I needed to say? Is that why I can't seem to find the will or drive to even blink a thought about sitting down to write yet another post on the true source of Man, capital M, when it is (to me) so abundantly clear what that is?
I recently attended a Buddhist retreat. It will be my last for as the Lama said... it's just a hippie circle. Oh the laughter as he caught his Freudian slip. He made light of it, and since the majority are there for the foreign-anything-but-western-christianity-moral-judgement of our past, he was able to get away with it.
That said... I think he said it because it was true. The Western mind today absolutely HATES even the HINT of discipline, of spiritual training. We spent the entire Saturday's teaching "sharing our stories." It was nearly 3 plus hours of female emotional vomit (and male). Don't get me wrong, there was some serious emotional pain being shared, but it reminded me of just how far toward complete submission to the goddess we have descended in The West . I also noticed that after 12 years... no one is getting any better in that group except me.
One woman... I am not shitting you even one small turd... talked about how much "hate, anger, fear" there is in the world (i.e. Trump). She... has LITERALLY given herself an auto-immune disease that is destroying hearing in one ear, sight in one eye and put her on medication for all of it. All... because of Trump. Is that a lunatic jump in logic for me to make and assert? Do I need to find a video of Kavanaugh protests?
This is why I needed a break. I had to get away from the insanity that is living in a full blown goddess/matriarchy culture.
A goddess culture is, at it's core... an ego culture. The solipsistic mind of the female made dominant. Feelings. Personal belief over rational facts. Emotion over logic. This is why our patriarchal ancestors LOCKED our grand-mothers of bygone ages in the house. The emergence of Zeus was the emergence of sanity, healing and peace in the world. War is war but this... this culture of the goddess is mental and cultural hell.
I left for that Buddhist retreat with no smartphone or laptop. The Lama wanted to try silent eating (you know, spiritual discipline of the ego) at breakfast and supper... "if everyone agrees". They did... and it was the most uncomfortable practice for everyone but me. But even then, after eating, the smartphones come out. The addiction of the modern human being to ego gratification is now beyond simple human nature, it's an illness and I realized something else that weekend.
Maximus... has almost killed his ego.
When you kill your ego... what is there left to write about?
When you think about what drives most writers... it is ego. The desire to change the world, to be a part of literary history. Politician. Sports star. Hollywood celebrity. It is ALL ego.
A lot of Red Pill "woke" dudes think they have escaped the Matrix of Fight Club's dreaded "You are not your khakis." They have not. In fact, the entire proof of that movie's premise - that we all grew up believing we could be a star, but won't be - is actually playing out. Everyone online is trying to become a star. We are so enmeshed into the Matrix of ego we can't even see it anymore. What's worse, those that think they have escaped are the most plugged in.
Buddhism (most world religions) teach that the source of peace and love in the universe is to deny the ego.
Yet all I see on Twitter and the internet... is the exact opposite. Ego has replaced God. We worship ourselves in a way unfathomable to our ancestors of even a single generation ago.
This is why I had to take a break. I needed to get away from all the ego vomit all over the internet and you know what... it was glorious. Truly I say to you, I could cut the internet off and live in complete peace without any of it.
After that Buddhist weekend, I took two weeks off. I just could not sit down to write because so much of what I had been writing was ego driven - the drive to be recognized in the sphere of masculine development and the renaissance of patriarchy.
Which is also to say... it was not ego driven. My ego drive was primarily to satisfy myself with my writing. "Ha... look at that post. That's F'ing awesome." I don't need that anymore, if I ever did. It was fun. It was interesting. Now though I am wondering if it is worth my time to keep tickling that tiny ego for kicks anymore even just once a week.
So... what is the future for Maximus' writing and this blog?
We will see next week.
I need to seriously take stock of the following:
- The weighing of the real risk that the longer I write, the higher my odds are of not having the choice to go public or not. Someone will dox me (although I think it will be nearly impossible) and thus dealing with the shit that will come my way (both at home and in the public at large)
- The realization that even if I finish my book... I will simply find no publisher, and possibly no means to even sell it except for in person as Roosh is now being forced to do.
- That my time could be used to take what I have learned building an audience online and put it toward another venture that might prove more profitable, for I do need the money. While money is not the primary reason I started this blog (or to write my book), it is a factor and I don't have a lot of time left to me.
- That if I pull the plug on this blog and a writing future, that means plugging back into the matrix of school in The West and trying to "fit in" that may very well be impossible for me or...
- To simply accept my fate as a humble seasonal labourer, see the world when I can, and live a life of complete peace and anonymity. Yet another reason I have huge resistance to continuing down the path of becoming a "somebody" as a writer.
Peace my friend.
When you stand at 7:30 AM at a free flowing artesian well... staring out at the lake... in a small town with the sun just rising over the water...
All of the bullshit in the world disappears and you come to understand...
It is all just a dream.
Do I really want to keep dreaming, or simply wake up and be at peace for the time I have remaining, knowing I must also prepare for that peace to be broken when they come knocking on my door for wrong think eventually, writer or not.
I think I do have one more post but I am not going to promise anything anymore.
I am going to see how October goes but I have to make a decision this month one way or the other.
Either I am in for another year (server renewal coming up), or I am getting out and shutting down. You will have time to print out my posts if you wish, don't worry.
The Lord hates a coward.
Perhaps he does, but there is no real courage online.
If you think my stepping away from the digital fight makes me a coward, so be it.
It won't be the fight on Twitter or YouTube that matters.
It is going to be the one in your own community. At the polls, perhaps soon on the streets.
I am beginning to think it is the smarter play to prepare to fight in the latter arena than in the children's sandbox of social media and "the internet."
That is all for now.
Strength & Honor