Shit tests. Shit tests. Shit tests. A woman giving a man shit is in her very DNA it seems, but most men don't know there is a difference in the quality of these tests. Learn the difference and be the smarter Man for it.
The common definition of a shit test is as follows.
A test that a girl performs on a male by saying or doing something to judge the reaction or response from him.
I talked all the night and didn't let that chick perform her shit tests on me man, until she got drunk.
We went out together and everything was great. But, I failed one shit test, and got dumped.
To start, let me declare a fundamental principle I believe to be true, and will attempt to prove in this article.
A woman shit tests a man she controls, she challenges a man she trusts.
What is the difference between a challenge and a shit test?
What does trust and control have anything to do with it?
Why are these questions important?
Let's take a look at the infamous faux paus of a man who says "I love you" before the female does. (Which is not always the case, but that is for another article.) This declaration of love demonstrates to the female one thing and one thing only - she has the emotional control and thus upper hand in the relationship. Control of a man is the ONLY thing a woman truly cares about. They all do it because they have to. If a female is unable to control a man - i.e. to direct HIS resources and support to HER progeny - she is fucked. A woman's need to test a man is not so much about giving him shit as it is about ensuring she can CONTROL him to ensure the children she sired with him will survive. This is the very pivot - control - the determines whether a man lives with constant shit being thrown at him his entire life in a relationship or not.
Most guys are never in control of their relationship with a female, even the much worshipped alpha male.
The obsession with "holding frame" in Game parlance is a euphemism for men who have never had control of a relationship.
noun: euphemism; plural noun: euphemisms
a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.
“downsizing” as a euphemism for cuts"
"Holding frame" may not sound mild or indirect, but when you replace it with the REAL word most men don't want to use, CONTROL, it becomes clear to me that a lot of men still have a lot to learn about become a Man, capital M.
If you are a man obsessed with "holding frame" and passing shit tests, you are a man obsessed with having control in your relationship.
And control is NOT what a Man, capital M, wants or needs. Desiring it actually proves he is not a Man.
The female universe is a fascinating place. Most men, due to pride and ego, never actually understand this universe, they only think they do and never more so than today. Proof positive of this point is the fact men have turned getting laid into a PhD degree. If you need a degree to understand women, you have placed waaaaaaaaaay too much power in the hands of a female and only exposes just how small a man you are.
Nine times out of ten, a man saying "I love you" is confirmation her control over him is WORKING. Her shit tests, prior to ILY and after, are the female confirming she is already, and always will be, in control. Think on this deeply. A woman does not suddenly start to shit test you or see you as just another guy after the ILY, she is acting on CONFIRMATION of the power dynamic she was ALREADY in the process of setting up. It goes something like this.
"Hmmm... cute guy. Reacts to my boobs. Let's see how much love I can give him. Yup, he's swallowing it hook, line and sinker. I think he wants to say it, but is afraid to. Three more weeks and I should have it, all the signs are there. Once he says it, I can push to see just how much control I have and see how far I can break him for my use."
A lot of guys think the bliss test is a shit test to the emotional power dynamic a man has given away with an ILY or some big act or declaration of commitment. It's not.
A woman's shit tests are always her ramping up control over the power she already has over you.
How can this be?
If you are still with her, you are a man that will put up with her shit.
Thus, she is in control, not you.
If you are a man with full power in a relationship, you will never get the bliss test, or the shit test. She is too afraid of losing you. What you might get is her trying to assert herself and get recognition from you by your deferring some authority or choice to her, but it will never be an open, in your face shit test.
This is not to say a woman won't be a woman, but there will be a qualitative difference in how she tests a man she wants to CONTROL, versus a man she TRUSTS.
A woman shit tests an alpha male not to see how strong his legendary frame is, but with how far and how much she can get away with. (She already knows she has control and authority in the relationship.)
A woman challenges a Man, capital M, who has authority so that she knows she can continue to trust in his judgement.
Now we get to heart of the matter - trust and challenge.
I cannot stress this enough.
If you are the authority, she will never dump shit on you.
A man who is the authority in the relationship does not need control (i.e. frame) over a woman. She defers to him nine times out of ten. This kind of woman wants a man to lead and thus will not dump shit on him because he will not stand for it. Any man of self-respect will not allow a woman to "shit test" him. A Man, capital M, does not put up with shit.
What he will TOLERATE, is a woman who CHALLENGES him.
A woman who questions his decisions or offers advice and feedback BECAUSE she trusts him, and something he has said or done has put that earned trust into doubt or she needs clarification of. This man has demonstrated to the female that she can trust him. It does not matter how he has done this, all that matters is that she DEFERS to him in the majority of disputes.
And that is all they really are, disputes, not big ass drama shit shows.
She asks questions. She challenges your answers and actions.
But she does not give you shit.
This is what the alpha male, if you strive to become one, never has - authority.
Do you throw shit at your boss? Of course not. What about a police officer? A judge? If staying out of jail is a priority for you in life, chances are you are not going to flip a cop or a judge the bird. It would not be... prudent to say the least. The alpha male, as seems to be widely accepted, is a man in CONTROL of the relationship. Thus, the alpha male is always in a power game (i.e. frame control war) with the female. She dumps shit on him, he turns it back on her and "takes back frame". This is the drama many women crave (crazy women) and many men love to give, especially the ego obsessed and pride driven alpha male.
Can you now see the difference between the shit test of an alpha male obsessed with control, and a challenge to a Man, capital M, of authority?
The first woman shit tests as an act of rebellion because she knows he has no authority over her (beta or alpha, she trusts neither one of them) and resents every minute she 'submits' to him.
The latter challenges a Man to get continual feedback on his decision making capabilities. To confirm in her eyes "Yes, he is right." not "Ha, I'll show you whose the boss!!!"
In the end, a woman will rarely test a Man who has authority over her because she knows the battle is already lost and fears losing him, not controlling him. When she fears losing you more than controlling you, that is when all shit tests disappear. A man who has AUTHORITY in the relationship is 100% uncontrollale. Thus, shit tests and drama be gone!!!
An alpha male is forever defending and establishing frame dominance (i.e. control) over a female because he has never had or known authority over her.
A Man, capital M, with authority already had a woman's supportive submission from the very beginning. He does not have to think in terms of frame control or shit tests because he KNOWS, not acts or reacts, that he, AND NO ONE ELSE, is the final authority over his life.
That is the difference between a shit test and a challenge.
Strive to become a Man, capital M, and the authority in the relationship, and you will be challenged, but never shit on.
Become obsessed with a need to control the female, either through alpha frame dominance, or beta ass kissing, and you will be drowning in shit the rest of your life with women.
Choose wisely young grasshopper.
Strength & Honor.