When one embarks to write a blog on Man and masculinity, one never knows who is going to find and read one's words. We all hope to contribute something. To help. To guide. To inspire. But when you start to get feedback in little bits here and there in the comments, you begin to feel that something larger than you is at work in the world. It's not your words that are changing anything. It's change itself working through you.
I got just such a dramatic example in a comment to my article Eyes Wide Shut - Has Red Pill & Game philosophy destroyed morality in Millennial Men?.
How many Red Pill sphere writers understand the responsibilty they are undertaking in writing advice for young men on how to live their lives?
How many care about the souls of the young men they are influencing?
I am currently watching the LOTR series once again, as I do every Christmas. I wonder if I will ever tire of watching it for the n'th time, but it's themes of good vs evil, hope vs despair, and struggle vs apathy will never grow old.
There are a lot of young men struggling in The West. Struggling in ways you and I will never comprehend. God, fate, karma, has given these young men a trial that, while still 1st world in its degree of severity, is none the less perhaps even more trying than outright poverty or threat to life that would be open war. It's a spirutal war, a war for a Man's soul.
I started writing this blog because I found no voice in the TRP sphere that was writing to give young men any hope for the future.
At the start of 2017 I quit doing drugs, thanks to Jordan B. Peterson. He taught me about responsibility and God. I understood that EVERYTHING I do matters. Every step I take lands the world closer to heaven or hell. Since that day I've been at a cross-roads, tearing myself apart, struggling to decide what kind of man I want (or ought) to be.
Just turned 23 a couple days ago. But I don't feel like a Man. I don't know if it's because I've never been with a woman, struggling to quit porn, or because I'm afraid of walking a righteous path, because I'd be forced to make sacrifices. Probably both, right?
It's a real struggle for me, sir. On one hand, I've got a very high sex drive, and am now feeling confident enough (after having quit drugs, starting to exercise, pursuing art, etc) to go out and flirt with women, feeling like I could shag the whole world, and FINALY live out the porno fantasy I've been drowning in for the past 12 years.
What we do in life, echoes in eternity,
What would be the typical, and predictable, advice to this young man from most men in the Red Pill sphere?
"Hey man... do I have the book for you! Learn how to make money online and slay bitches like a god."
"Way to clean yourself up. Fuck women man. Make money and avoid them at all costs. Get a fleshlight until you have the money for a sex-bot. And don't worry about children. The artificial womb is coming. We WILL make the need for women in our lives completely obsolete and a neurosis of the past."
"It's a long and hard journey to become a man, but you have started it. My relationship coaching is just for you. Learn how to be true to yourself and women in order to get married, have kids, and do your part to rebuild civilization. It's our responsibility and we need courageous men like you to step up to the plate."
Where... where... in any of that advice... is there any thought or concern given to the young man instead of their own selfish and promotional ego biased perspective of the world?
I never had a porn addiction, but right around your age, I did begin to stay too long in the digital goblin moonlight. I always knew when I was indulging too much and was able to cut back, but I never kicked my porn habit outright until I was 37. You... don't have to waste that much time of your life on that shit.
But an addiction, or even attraction, to porn is not your fault. I mean... IT'S RIGHT THERE! All the time. I used to wonder how my Dad had no interest in this stuff. Yes, he had a moral revulsion of it, but he is a man and does have the same reaction to women as you or I. The difference is... he did not grow up surrounded by porn 24/7/365.
Women will be clothed... yet naked.
Is a saying of the Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) of a sign of the last days. His Arab companions and fellow new Muslims were flabbergasted. "How can and a woman be wearing clothes, yet naked?"
It's not your fault. You're sex drive is going thermonuclear because it is supposed to at your age... but... NEVER, in human history (I think even pagan goddesses had more modesty), has Man had to learn how to gird his loins and NOT react/respond to female sexual stimuli in his environment. You will see these kinds of girls everywhere in the summer. You have not been tempted and succumbed to drowning yourself in a porn fantasy for 12 years... you entire culture IS a porn reality. So giving up porn is not going to actually give up porn. It's literally everywhere now.
Now for the good news.
I have never had to kick a drug habit.
I have NO IDEA how hard that was and will continue to be.
Son... if you can kick a drug habit... you can kick porn.
Think back to those days. To the decision to kick drugs out of your life. This is just porn! Step away from the computer screen. Do it now. Commit to 30 days. ONE MONTH. No porn. Just pick a date and make the commitment in your heart. Then... one day at a time. "Not today, tomorrow. I will wait until Friday. No, I will wait until Sunday. Monday I will sneak a peak. Maybe Wednesday I will have more time." It will be easier if you have something to do to keep yourself busy. Get up and go for a walk. Do something, anything, other than look at porn.
Also know, as I now know, you're desire for porn is a desire to be loved and happy. I was not happy when I was younger. Not unhappy per se, but not truly, deeply and contentedly happy. With time, with age, IF you grow wise (and you will), you simply begin to understand it is easier to be happy through contentment with what you have, and striving for what you want, than worry about not having a girlfriend or not getting laid "right now."
Know that you are not alone. There are a lot of people who are unhappy in their lives and seek out the #1 source for comfort and release from the pain. For many it is drugs, but porn is just another coping mechanism. See porn in the same light as you saw drugs - as an avoidance of your life and a coping mechanism for not living - and you will kick it.
I also read recently that the porn industry is actually in decline. I am wondering if maybe, after literally drinking at the fountain of Dionysus sexual perversion for the past two plus decades, you, me, and a lot of other people are saying "Uggh... this is just disgusting. I've had enough." and are just walking away from porn entirely. And that is where you will be after 30 days. A new habit - avoiding porn - will have been developed. To go back to looking at porn will actually make your stomach churn and hurl. You will finally SEE how disgusting it is and show you the truth of what you were searching for. Connection. To feel wanted. To be happy in a woman's arms. To feel the release of acceptance and sexual expression. We are supposed to be doing that WITH someone, not alone. That is why you want to watch porn. You are replacing a REAL human connection with a fake one BECAUSE it is so easy and available with a click. It's not your fault. You are simply responding as any man would when something that was once almost impossible to see (a naked girl) is now available 24/7/365. But now it's time to choose how you respond to that availability, instead of being controlled by an instintual reaction.
Which brings you to your next major hurdle.
On the other hand, there's God in the back of my head, fucking up my sexual fantasy, asking me questions: "How many women would you need to seduce (or be seduced by) until you're satisfied?" And, like the fool I am, I answer with a number of "100"! I know, however, that this hunger is insatiable.
It's insatiable... because of technology. No, not porn... the pill and the condom. We can now have as much sex as we like and there is no risk of pregnancy for you or her. STD's are a major consideration to think deeply on. In my personal opinion, I believe the majority of STDs are spread from the gay community to the heterosexual one. And I am not alone.
Canadian porn star August Ames committed suicide after backlash she received for calling out and refusing to perform with a gay porn actor.
Why do I bring up August Ames?
When you can put a SOUL to the FACE, and come to know the real person in porn, all of a sudden, her scenes are not all that sexy or hot are they?
August Ames - Mercedes Grabowski - was married. She also 'homophobically' knows that anal sex - i.e. gay sex - is the most dangerous and STD risky form of sexual behaviour a person can be exposed to. And that is what she was worried about - exposure to the gay scene where there is no moral or ethical constraints and being exposed to something that would hurt not just her health, but her husbands. Proof? The gay man who bullied her continued to use her death to call her homophobic for not willing to perform with gay actors. So... a 23 year old young adult woman in porn, who was repeatedly sexually abused as a young girl, finally stands up for herself and her body... and gets viciously attacked by the gay community for stating a plain fact - gay sex is dangerous and women should avoid having sex with men who engage in it.
I want you to see porn for what it is.
It is a place where the abused, the depressed, and the victims of sexual assault and violence find community and friends. When Mercedes stood up for her body and sexual health - her soul - she was vilified for it by not just the gay community, but many of her 'friends' in the porn industry." Gee... I wonder WHY she killed herself?
You are going to be seriously tempted to have sex. I don't want you to believe you should not have sex, but ask yourself why you are having it?
What is your intention? What is in your heart when you decide to have sex with this or that woman?
You have kicked the porn habit now. The problem is you still want physical release. Sex is literally being offered to you on any given street corner with the standard of dress of many young women. You will be tempted. If you are going to have sex, here are the guidelines I would give you if I was your father.
1. Make sure you choose a girl who is very, very, very heterosexual in her orientation. Having sex today could not be more dangerous. With the open acceptance of sexual experimentation, many men are having 'bi' experiences (read gay sex) and then dipping back and forth between the gay world and the hetero world. If you have sex with a woman who is exposed to these men, you are putting yourself at serious risk of an STD. This includes all that bullshit sex party and swinging crap. Find a girl you know, as best you can confirm, as being only and solely hot for guys AND does not have any gay friends, or has a history of dating some CLEARLY heterosexual dudes.
2. Can you see yourself in a relationship with this girl? I mean a real one. Would you want to possibly marry her? Have kids with her? If not... pass.
3. If she is just too smoking hot to pass up... make 100% sure she is using you as her dildo and ego boost. Girls have sex with a guy for any number of reasons, but with the cry-rape culture we have right now, you have to be sure she is NOT trying to get a line on you for ANYTHING other than sex. This means you are not buying her shit. You are not taking her out and spending a dime on her. She only has time "to do it" and only seeks you for this. She also seems to have you "on the regular" in the sense... you know she is not really dating anyone else. You may not be the only guy she is having sex with, but you should be able to gauge if she is an outright slut (who fucks any man cause low self-esteem), or if she is simply being smart about her partners and has selected you for some early (and regular) sexual experience.
4. Wait until YOU want to have sex, NOT her. This is entirely under your control. YOU decide when you have sex. Have sex when YOU feel you want to have sex. When YOU feel this is the right girl to have sex with for the first time. When YOU make the choice to take the risk to expose yourself to STDs and getting a girl pregnant (it is still there, condoms are not 100%).
5. Keep your notch count to a number you can count on two hands. One hand if you can manage it. Every woman you have sex with outside a committed relationship increases your risk of getting an STD. Don't fucking believe the playboy's out there. You can contract an STD, get tested, AND NEVER KNOW as the results always come back negative. Tests are not perfect and false negatives can come up as much as false positives. I had symptoms of something at 36. No outbreak. Negative tests for years after. At 43, I had my first cold sore (HSV-1) breakout. Should the tests not have caught that? What else might I have? I will never know... until I get into old age and my immune system starts to break down and... then I will know. Secondly, after the first two or three women, sex will be nothing to you. What I mean by that is after my first time, sex became "That was it? That was sex?" Which is not to say it was not fucking awesome, it's just... I lost ALL desperation for it. So... maybe you will have to have sex at least once before marriage, but choose wisely. And know... KNOW... that ALL sex outside a committed relationship... is ego boosting, nothing more or less.
Other than those rules, I would still council just to wait.
You won't die if you don't have sex.
Think about that the next time you see an online sex guru trying to sell you on how much you need to get laid. Just how desperate are these guys?
I think what I found most interesting in this comment was the impact Jordan Peterson has had on young men. This is the first time they have been introduced to the morals, ethics and personal power of Christian teachings.
Then there's my siblings. I've got a little sister (9) and a little brother (3). We're all from different fathers. My sisters dad isn't really there for her (just as mine wasn't), and I've always seen myself as the primary masculine influence in her life. My brother's dad is there, but he's kind of... Weak. From what I've seen he isn't making an effort with my sister, is too soft on my brother, and not assertive enough with my mother (who's been through a lot in her life). He even allowed my mother to divorce him just so she could claim welfare. I want to be a strong influence in the lives of my siblings, and teach them right from wrong, but then how much of a hypocrite would I have to be to tell my sister not to sleep around and save herself for marriage, if I can't even do it myself?!
So, once again the word "RESPONSIBILITY" echoes through my head. And it is a damn heavy cross to carry, man. My rational mind dictates that I should be a man of God (last year I would taken this as a total contradiction, which I find kind of amusing!), but my bodily desires are pulling me towards fulfilling a filthy, raw, and absolutely perverted sexual dream.
Some part of me holds the belief that striving to be a good Man is somehow un-cool. I guess that's my insecurity manifesting as belief, but Carl Jung and JP talk about integrating the shadow and all that, because the shadow holds immense personal power, and I'm fascinated by that idea. Goodness bred out of fear is not good. A good man is a monster, but he's got it under control.
I've always been fascinated by villains, anti-heroes and outcasts, for they aren't as naive as the typical hero. Machiavelli understood this in writing The Prince. But how am I to integrate my shadow if God forbids me from sinning? What do you thing about the idea of sinning when necessary as a sacrifice? In other words, taking a bullet to save a life. After all, as an example, Jesus did not kill and he taught to turn the other cheek, but is it not honourable to fight and die for your land, instead of turning the other cheek to the invaders and allowing them to pillage and rape as they please?
I never understood why Jordan Peterson has become an almost god-like figure for young men. JP is just talking about the greater reality of Man's life. But I forget... I grew up in the last fading light of the Christian West as a Gen X'er. Millennials... have never been exposed to God or truth or morals and... most existentially important... to a GREATER REALITY AND PURPOSE to life than... buying stuff and fucking each other.
And now we can see the effect.
Exposure to God and Christianity, as secular and academically clinical as it was, is as transformative as it was 2000 years ago.
Knowledge of God begins to orient Man in the right direction and, as always, it causes distress in Man BECAUSE he comes to realize just how important he is not just to the success of his life, but of those around him, especially of women.
The cross of responsibility is only heavy... because you are unaccustomed to bearing the load.
It's not your fault. But just like hitting the gym and lifting weights, you will get stronger in being responsible. If striving to be good is un-cool, know it is degenerate western culture that promotes this. It has never been cool to be responsible because children are what the globalists want. You can ENSLAVE children, not responsible ADULTS.
This is also not a shadow issue. I don't fall for the psychology type stuff. That is not to say it does not have its uses in understanding Man and his reality, just know you are not defined by a type or archetype.
Only you can define who and what you become.
It's your ego that wants to be cool. Humble it and put it in it's place, beneath you.
It's pride that wants to be seen as sexy and desirable - i.e. the 'alpha.' Reject pride and find power in authenticity.
The power of the shadow is ephemeral when exposed to the light. Become good... and the shadow pales in comparison.
But... you have to ACKNOWLEDGE the shadow exists in Man. This is why villains are so fascinating. The villain embraces his shadow, and in doing so he is of a higher consciousness than the white knight do-gooder hero. But you don't have to WALK the path of the shadow to know it's existence and place in your life, only see it. You don't have to take drugs to know they are bad, just see that they are. See that drugs, like sex, are Man's attempt to fill the void that is God in his heart. All addictions are attempts to fill the void of self love. The villain embraces this and finds love of self, but he also finds self-destruction and can't tell the difference between the two. When you acknowledge your shadow side, not deny, you ALSO transcend it and move on to higher conscious awareness. Does that mean Man must also sin to truly "know" his shadow? For some, that will be their chosen path. For others, it is enough to see and have no desire to experience... for they already have knowledge and understand where the path of the shadow side ends. They can see the truth, and consequences, of any given action. The shadow is only ever threat to Man, if he denies it's existence. Why do you think the globalists have done EVERYTHING to kill Christianity and God in The West. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled... was convincing people he did not exist. Kill God, kill any notion that the Devil exists to. Reflect on this deeply.
Jesus did not kill... but he did combat injustice. He also said he has brought the sword and that families will be divided by his word. All three Abrahamic faiths... call on Man to become moral and good. This can't help but split humanity in two, and the biggest split is between the shadow and the light side of Man.
Sinning is not doing wrong... it is missing the mark of being good.
God forbids sin because it is taking you off the right path. The path to true and real happiness and contentment. That is why Satan is known as The Prince Of Lies to bring a little Machiavellian allusion into the mix. Why do you think the globalists are pushing sex and "do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law" and are obsessed with sexualizing children? The earlier you can get someone missing the mark (sinning), the harder it will be for them to turn back to the right path.
But you won't hear that from ANY of the other Red Pill and Game and MGTOW and etc writers because, they all reject any notion of their being ultimate truth and thus any single path for Man to live a Good life.
The best and most responsible thing you can do to help your brother and sister - is to lead by example.
So yes... if you want your sister to NOT fuck around like a whore, you best course of action is not to show her that is how a woman is treated by men.
If you want your brother to grow up to be strong in his sense of self and future, create a future for yourself.
Which is really the lesson I have re-learned later in life.
When I was in my twenties as you are now, all I wanted was a girlfriend. I also wanted to have sex. Playboy had a HUGE influence on the culture I grew up in and by the time internet porn came around, fuck me... all I could think about was fucking!!! Add in the fact I was an introvert and a nice guy, it was a disaster.
But... I was NEVER desperate. I eventually started to date, gain some confidence with women, but I could never find one to commit to me (a few I could have clearly fucked, but that is for another article).
What I have realized I was missing in my 20s... was a mission. Most men, before the return of the goddess (i.e. feminism), simply FOCUSED ON BUILDING A LIFE FOR THEMSELVES. A means to make money, to pay bills, to live life. A woman... was not a thought in their mind because women were seen as LESSER than them and merely a part of life they naturally acquired... because they made something of themselves. Now, as I start a new business and because I am in my 40s and less concerned about women or sex, I am realizing that MY mistake in my youth was... obsessing about having a girl, getting laid. Again, it is not my fault (porn culture), but if I had only focused on simply creating an income that allowed me to do whatever it is I wanted to do with my life, a girl would naturally fall into place once I accomplished this goal. I am currently reading Arnold Schwarzenegger's Total Recall and it is clear to me, Boomer men were the last generation of men that simply DID NOT WORRY about women. "I'm a man, look at what I have accomplished, of course SOME woman SOMEDAY will want me?" Granted, women also wanted a man and to get married, but the effect is the same now as it was then despite feminist culture.
Over the years, the MORE I have focused on BUILDING my life, the MORE attractive I become to ALL women.
Young. Old. Every woman, and even many men I am finding, are ATTRACTED to a Man that is DOING something with his life.
Focus on this.
Focus on building a life.
Focus on securing a career or business that will be able to pay you enough to do what you want to do... even if that means doing it alone for the rest of your life.
That is where I am at right now. I just want to get something going for myself and the FREEDOM I have now that I am not worried about getting laid (could have done this as a virgin as well) or finding a woman to marry and start a family with...
Focus on you... and the women will follow you.
I recall JP answering some girl's question about sex and marriage, saying that it's worth going and having some adventures and discovering who you are and what you like, before settling for marriage. I've heard of Christian virgins who get married, and then divorce because they're sexually incompatible with their partner. I'd like to avoid that.
But then this kind of contradicts with what you said in the article about the "adventure sex guy", does it not? I suppose, though, that you're both using the word "adventure" in different ways. You're saying "adventure sex guy" is basically a non-stop, sex and drug infused YOLO existence; whereas JP speaks of "adventure" in more mythological terms - an effort to become who you are, not just sexually, but as an individual embodiment of God.
But since I am the confused bi-product of a misinformed culture, I am obsessed with sexuality, and that's where I'm struggling the most to find answers that would allow me to lead a moral and fulfilling life. After reading your article, I was reminded about the sin of FORNICATION. Seems like the scriptures are pretty solid there. Sex should only happen after marriage. No exceptions. If you do it before, then the first time with your wife wouldn't be anything special. But I don't know how to work this out in myself.
First... let's get something straight.
You are the confused byproduct of a FUCKED UP culture. Western culture is not 'misinformed', it is wholly FUCKING DEGENERATE.
Don't fool yourself. See the shadow for what it is.
You are right in how I define adventure sex guy from JP. But remember, JP is also a byproduct of his culture - the leaving of Christianity and the embracing of "free love "and feminism. Of course he is going to say it is good to have some "adventure" sex to get to know yourself... we are living in an AMORAL society that says there is nothing wrong with sexual promiscuity.
If and when you decide to have sex, it is not an adventure - it is a risk.
Never forget that.
Having sex is a real risk. All it takes is ONE exposure to HIV or HSV-2 (herpes) and you have both for life (AIDS can still kill).
The "adventure" of your first time having sex with a girl should be with someone you have carefully selected and, most importantly, you are "doing it" because you want the EXPERIENCE, not because you want to "get laid." The difference is whether your SOUL is in the driver's seat, or your EGO & PRIDE.
This is why above I asked you WHY you want to have sex with this or that girl. It is not so much that sex is a sin per se, it is what is in our HEART that makes it so.
Did you wait until marriage to have sex? Did you meet THE ONE when you were young? Most people claim there is no such thing as THE ONE. There's just one of the ones. I definitely don't have money for marriage now, so should I just date a few women first, see what I like, what I don't like, whilst I look for THE ONE to marry and spend my life with?
Would you consider it wrong to sleep with a bunch of women in my effort to find the one?
I read that article about being chosen vs choosing women. I suppose I'd need to know what to look for in a woman, to keep my number down (strange saying this, because I've always believed the number needs to be maximised). But didn't George Clooney screw multiple women before finally finding THE ONE? I mean, he isn't exactly religious, but he said in the interview that his career has been his commitment until then. Is that kind of attitude in alignment with a moral life?
George Clooney just gave you another lesson proving what I wrote above - commit to focusing on your career... and you will ALWAYS have women wanting you.
I did not lose my virginity until I was 35. Yes... you read that number correctly and I am not embarrassed at all, and neither was she. I waited that long, and missed a number of chances in hindsight, because I was looking for a life partner. I wanted to get married. I finally had sex because a) I wanted to have sex before I was 40, while I was still young and b) a large majority of women don't want a relationship anymore. I finally decided I wanted the EXPERIENCE of sex, for myself, as a human being, to know and grow. I could have done it at a younger age, but I did not need the experience or knowledge then. I could have had sex in my mid to late 20s, but I am glad I did not. I had sex... when I was ready. As far as I am concerned, the longer you can hold out, the more of a Man you will become. Why? Most men around you are WEAK. Period. They just can't live life without getting their dick wet, or feel if they ain't getting it wet, they are 'losers.' Who is the real loser? The one getting laid because his entire identity as a man is tied up in his dick, or the one who is in complete control of his dick and how and when he chooses to use it?
When it comes to sex in married life, I can tell you all that is going to matter is if SHE wants to touch you. As long as you can keep your hands to yourself long enough to see if SHE reaches out to touch you more than you want to touch her... you won't have a problem in the bedroom. The woman who is dissatisfied with sex with her husband never desired him to begin with. Read that again... think on it deeply.
When it comes to sexual compatibility in marriage, there is one advantage to living in a degnerate culture. What in the world of sex has a Millenial man or woman NOT seen on a screen somewhere already? Seriously. If you are with a girl and she seems to be pretty hot and bothered for you, just start talking about what you want to do to her. Talking is not doing of course, but remember, you are trying to GAUGE if she actually wants to enjoy having sex with YOU. If she LOVES talking about sex with you, I am pretty sure that when you DO have sex, you will BOTH be on the same page and your sex life can only get beter and better. There really is only so much you can do to one another, so talk about it beforehand. When the time comes, go at it! But by THAT time, you are probably more in love with one another than the sex you want to perform on each other.
Which is where young men have to put the focus back if they want to be happy.
You have to go BACK to finding a way to discover if you two LOVE one another... and THEN have sex. Before or after marriage, it matters not. The point is... do you two sacks of flesh actually give a shit about one another? Or are you just Tinder ego fucking? Think on this deeply.
Will you find "love" after your 100th sex partner? Do I need to answer this? George Clooney may have had a number of partners, but note, they were always relationships. And at the two year mark, like clock work, he would dump them and find another one because why? They wanted to get married and have children, which he did not want. And when it became CLEAR to him that is what these women wanted, he had the honor to let these women go and find another man. Should he have been with them at all? That is up to God to judge, but Clooney was not running around like the male whores you see today. Spinning plates like women are just exercise shorts to change between gym sessions when one gets to stinky or disgusting to want to put on anymore.
Know that your desire for a high notch count is just that - a desire fueled by a degenerate culture and most importantly...
Why do you REALLY want a high notch count?
Ego. Look in the mirror... and see your shadow.
I can't tell you how many sex partners is too many... but YOU can.
I am glad you read Chosen or Chooser: Which One Are You. It goes to the heart of the very notch count dilemna.
I want you to think of sex in terms of genes, of legacy.
Every single male ancestor before you, including your father, had to make a CHOICE about WHICH WOMAN he was going to pass on his genes through.
From your story, your father is an r-selected spray-and-pray male. Most likely WHY your sex drive is so high.
But YOU are not your FATHER.
Do YOU want to "spray and pray" your future legacy?
Ask yourself, always... "Is this girl worth even an eye blink of my time?"
Can she be a caring mother? A supportive wife?
If you do this with EVERY female you meet... you won't be getting laid that much, I can 100% guarantee it. Not because the girls don't want to fuck you, but because you don't have time to waste on less than optimum genetic material. And THAT... is really why the Red Pill and Game was born. A lot of western women... if you look at them as long term mate material... just don't make the grade, not by a country mile. So what is a young Millennial buck to do? These girls don't want a relationship or marriage to have sex within. And they are also NOT worth bothering with for those very purposes. Yet... you are fucking horny and want to fuck? Learn Game, wrap it up, YOLO dude! Don't blame yourself for feeling this way, just know you DON'T have to choose that path.
Think of yourself like a tiger, or a lion. Do you want to just fuck ANYTHING that comes your way? Do you have the TIME to do that? (Remember, you are focusing on figuring out how to simply survive and support yourself right now.)
If you value yourself highly, why would you waste your time with ANY woman who was not going to be the optimal mate for you to pass on your legacy with?
Reflect on this deeply and perhaps... a high notch count won't be all that desirable any more.
When you are FOCUSED on the FUTURE... your entire reality gets an orientation adjustment.
Does that mean you won't fuck a few girls before finding the one? Nope. But it DOES mean... if you CHOSE to have sex with a woman... it's on your terms and is EXACTLY what you want. Remember what I said about most men being WEAK. The weakest man in the room... is the one that CAN'T go without sex. The one that can... no woman can control. Think on this deeply.
Actually, I'm really thankful to you, sir. I just got paid and was planning to go see a prostitute this weekend... To familiarise myself with the sexuality of a woman. Seemed like the right thing to do, but... Not anymore.
Sex can't be as vapid as that, even if we both enjoy our 30-60mins of sex. How can you put a price and a timer on that? Just seems wrong. "Okay, it's time up, darling. Leave the door open on your way out... And tell your friends!"
Now, I don't expect you to address each point in this stupidly long comment, but one thing I am dying for is some advice on how to conduct myself as a STRONG and MORAL Man when it comes to women and sex.
Ahhh... the world's oldest profession. I will share a story.
I used to work with a bunch of guys and one of my generation, about a decade or minus older than me, once declared at the top of his lungs... "I would NEVER pay a prostitute to have sex."
What this man was screaming was... "I refuse to believe I have EVER paid for sex with any woman that slept with me."
Every man pays for sex. Every. Single. One.
While I do not recommend seeing a prostitute, there are a lot of elite men who see an escort (there is a difference). Have you ever wondered why such men, who could have any woman (money, status, fame) would PAY to have sex with a woman?
It's because they realize that payment can be made in something of far greater value than money - one's self-respect. Which sounds so completely contradictory when we are talking the single act most men AND women are all looked down upon for - a man paying, a woman selling.
So many men... ARE SO WEAK... that they will accept ANY form of abuse, of hatred, of loathing of themselves as men... just so long as they can say they did not "pay for it." PUAs can be the worst for this. They will toerate almost any kind of bullshit from a female (the hotter, the girl, the higher the desire to 'tolerate' her) just to "get it in there" and then let their ego raor "Ha, I showed her!" Reflect on this deeply.
That... is what that man was screaming because HIS situation... was living with single mother, as her "boyfriend", with her kids HATING him, and she barely TOLERATING him but... he was getting "laid" and did not have to "pay for it."
Another man and I were once having a fine discussion of the female form displayed before us at the event we were attending. We got to talking about women and sex and somehow I blurted out (being still a virgin at that point) "Hey, if she is naked, it's all good right?" To which his surprise reply to me was... "No... not always good." Right there... I told myself even as a virgin, I would NEVER be a man that looked back on sex with ANY woman as being so beneath him... as to EVER have that tone of voice or look of regret on my face.
Every man pays. He may not pay in outright dollars hand-to-hand, but he is paying her in a currency no man should ever want to draw on to get laid - self-respect.
Now what about the sex that normal and more 'moral' people are having? How the fuck is swiping right on a sex dating app, then meeting a COMPLETE STRANGER for total, random and anonymous sex... somehow more 'moral' than two responsible people deciding to meet and a man getting his needs met (sex), while the women gets hers (money)? What about the ALCOHOL that is used by most people to get "lucky." Get a girl drunk, watch her cry rape after the deed. Sex workers, by in large, REJECT clients who are drunk or high which means... two people are meeting STONE COLD SOBER to have sex and BOTH are agreeing (that would be called consent in a rape trial, which you will never have with a sex worker because she would be out of work pretty fast with false allegations) to what is transpiring. What about the LIES, the DRAMA, the....
Look. I am not advocating paying for sex. You don't have to and THAT is the real reason not to. You are a Man, and women want a penis, period. If you are working on setting up your life, financially and socially, you WILL have opportunities to have sex. What I want you to see is the REALITY of sexual relations with women - they are, for the girl, first and foremost a MEANS to an END. Even if that end is marriage and children with you, that IS the goal and she does not have to "love" you to want to attain it.
Which brings us to one of your opinions on sex and women.
Sex is vapid. Period.
You are doing what I was doing in my virgin youth, projecting all manner of romance and deeper meaning on having sex that women DO NOT place on the act.
What? Hear me out.
Yes... some women say they only have sex with men they "love." But women love VERY DIFFERENTLY from men. For a woman, sex is purely and primarily utilitarian. Unless your girl is a YOUNG VIRGIN and your bride... there is a great chance she has "grown out of" the silly romance she had about sex with a man and realized EXACTLY what her pussy is for - extracting as much resources as she can from a man.
Now, that is the cynical side of course, but its the shadow side of women you need see and accept as reality.
While women in porn and sex work industry do tend to have some form of mental trauma or past sexual abuse, many are there for the very reason I have stated. Sex is a tool... and they use it. They have to. It's how a woman survives in a man's world. The greatest effect of the Weinstein scandal is the bringing back into SHARP perspective of this reality - women are sexual prey, men in power and authority WILL prey on women (especially if they are bad men), and many women VOLUNTARILY expose themselves to being prey because; that's how they survive, making themselves available to men that can provide and protect them.
Even if the girl you have sex with is a virgin, just like you, SHE will no longer be a virgin and SHE will also lose a lot of the romance and mystique around just what sex is. This is why it is important to WAIT to have sex. The more you actually fucking like each other - as friends, as human beings - the more sex is just a consummation of that reality. When you have sex too soon, or for a fantasy (women do this when they fuck/marry for $$$, not sexual attraction), that is when trouble in the bedroom looms.
Which is why sex IS so powerful.
Sex has NOTHING to do with love.
Sex is, the purest expression of our animal, our shadow, nature. It CAN express love... but usually only if you WAIT and merge your lust with actual like of the other person. Once you've had sex... it don't take much to have sex with just about anyone. Again, this is how we were designed as MATERIAL creatures, but as MORAL ones, we have been given by God the choice on how to choose to express ourselves as sexual beings.
Human beings have sex for pleasure. Which is why escorts and prostitutes will ALWAYS have a job. They are the purveyors of Man's greatest pleasure need and they can give it to him in a way his wife generally cannot... without need to manipulate him for continual provision and protection... at least until the next time he "needs" some pleasure in his life.
Lastly... you will get the same vapid sex experience, paid or off-the-clock, with any woman you decide to have sex with that you have no real relationship or liking toward OTHER than... pure lust. Men watch porn... BECAUSE sex is vapid. This is why the greatest temptation of any man... is to turn down freely given sex with the most beautiful woman of his dreams. There does not need to be a connection, for either sex. If BOTH are fueled by enough LUST... sex is as easy as taking your clothes off.
But that does not mean it SHOULD be that easy.
And with enough sexual experience... you DO begin to figure out there is MORE to sex than vapid fucking. The connection becomes important. Some women you just get erect and stay harder for more naturally because there is something MORE at work going on between you than JUST vapid sex. But don't fool yourself into thinking a woman will not fuck you just to fuck you. She can. She will. She may even be MORE capable of it than a man BECAUSE of female nature (survival).
This is where you, being inexperienced, can get caught. If you confuse a woman fucking you with loving you... you are going to get fucked over. Never do this. Not even after a decade of married life. Women are chameleons and can become WHATEVER they need to be in order to get what they want and you will NEVER know. Over time, this gets harder for her to pull of (especially once her pussy powers wear off), but know this - her pussy is her greatest tool of leverage over you, she WILL use it you don't acknowledge she can. Again, I am not being cynical here... just KNOW the reality of a woman. Their ARE good women out there... but be aware most are not and do not give a shit about you. It's all about her and what you can do for her.
It seems a Man is stuck in a perpetual catch-22. On the one hand, promiscuous sex is clearly dangerous and degenerate to his soul and society. But on the other hand, it is usually WITH sexual experience... that a man finds a calm within the storm of his shadow self being able to say "been there, done that."
How does a Man become a STRONG and MORAL man in the 21st century?
Can you look yourself in the mirror?
God has given you a soul with a compass. We ALL now, every single last one of us men, when we are straying from the path.
The only way to guide yourself on this earth is to be your own compass, and know that God put that compass within you to discover.
Will you go wrong and veer down the path of sin? Yes. It is inevitable. This is the test God has given man. NO MAN PASSES IT. Not a single one.
Are you LEARNING from your sins? Are you TRYING to become a good Man? Repentance is a refrain because that is what it is... a continual turning back to the path and then finally choosing to walk it.
You will grow STRONG... as you test yourself. You test yourself by NOT letting your EGO (i.e. dick) do ALL the thinking.
How can you be MORAL with women and sex?
Are you both sober and not high on drugs?
Is she with you voluntarily, of her own free will?
Are YOU with her for HER best interests? Even if that is simply to make her feel beautiful and desired as the sensual woman she believes herself to be.
Are YOU with her for YOUR best interests? To share of yourself sexually with her because you are also human and need touch and intimacy to experience life.
Would God be pleased... with how you have sinned? You have not LIED to one another about love or commitment or anything else in any way. Are you both HONEST about EXACTLY what you are both about to do... and why you are doing it? Are you safe gaurding each other s health and wearing condoms to safeguard against pregnancy and STDs? Are you at least somewhat open about just how many others you are fucking, or at least talked about this being a committed fuck-buddy relationship "for now" where you are not dating, but not stepping out on one another either.
Can you see how difficult it is to actually sin before God in anyway that will please him outside of marriage?
Women are our mothers and sisters.
If you can keep this in mind with EVERY woman you are ever intimate with... one or one hundred... you can't go astray.
Respect women... and you will find the path to becoming a strong and moral man.
That does not mean you ignore what a woman is... you simply ACCEPT her for her difference and RESPECT all that she is.
Your ego... will be the only enemy you have to defeat in becoming a strong and moral man.
It will constantly tell you what you want to hear to justify doing just about anything you could ever imagine, turning sin into the most pious act of worship.
From birth until death... this test will always be put to Man because... "the law is the law, it has no mercy."
If you can check your ego... you will be both strong and moral.
Even if you veer off the path from time to time. It's not your fault, it's how you were created.
But if you are at least TRYING to be strong and moral, and continue to strive...
There is always hope.
Strength & Honor
In the name of Allah, The Beneficent, The Merciful.
Say: I seek refuge in the Lord of mankind,
The King of mankind,
The God of mankind,
From the evil of the sneaking whisperer,
Who whispereth in the hearts of mankind,
Of the jinn and of mankind.